It may sound callous but I'm not sure I'd want to give her one. She wasted hers, even after she knew how things were for her. She's still not doing what she should and now wants one of us to give her our parts?
I can understand what you're saying, from a slightly different POV. Parents often seem to think their children owe them, even after years of abuse (of varying types). I don't feel it's mandatory nor obligatory to reward bad behavior simply because we're related.
Not callous at all....I totally agree with your thinking.Given your own Diabetes...aside from what a doctor might say...I don't think it would be a wise move....just sayin'
I agree totally. With your having diabetes yourself, and the fact that she may not take care of it anyway - a sad decision to have to make, but I think best. (((HUGS)))
wow....well i gotta say this is the first EVER note that i've read like this.
You know I totally understand your point of view on this and I have to say...I agree with you.
This is a HUGE decision to make for anyone on any day...but for you with your past history of diabetes and now thyroid issues...it's the decision of a lifetime....
There are so many "what if's" other than you own reasoning....
"What if you have a heart attack and thus suffer from congestive heart failure and have only ONE functioning kidney?"
"What if your diabetes is just as hard on your kidneys as hers and you have only one kidney"
And of course your point of view is so very true....why should or even would you do such a thing for mother or not, if she isn't going to take care of that valuable organ??
They (the donation sites) always ask the family members first because they are the MOST likely match.
Your health itself has to be considered and with your diabetes and thyroid issues?? yeah...That's not a good thing.
Furthermore exactly who is going to fund this operation?? It is my understanding (and I may be wrong here) that insurance will cover HER operation but as to the donor? that's a complete out of pocket expense because you are volunteering for this to be done.
It's really easy to say what we would do in a situation. Thing is though...you never know until that situation actually faces you. Your heart Duckster...guides you well.
That would be a really tough decision. I agree with what everyone else said, it's too big a risk with all the other things that are going on with you. You need to be around for your grandkids to enjoy.
Thank you all for your understanding. It is difficult being that she's my mom. I want her around for as long as possible, but at what cost to me or my family, including my brothers. She has asked them too
You have to be around for your kids too. They're much younger than her kids are, and still need their daddy. I had a professor that had kidney cancer and only had 1 kidney and he was fine. But you're diabetic and already have high risk of losing one. It sounds like you need to keep that spare one around just in case.
Duckie, you have to make a decision not only considering your mom, but yourself and your family as well. It sounds like you've thought this through and came to the best decision possible (even though it was not the easiest one) Know you are loved Duckie dear and we support you in doing what is best for you. HUGGSSSS
I have to agree with Trixy. My mother died from diabetic complications one of them was her kidneys shutting down (she did NOT take care of herself at all) She is your mother you love her. I am so sorry you have to even think about this. *hugs*
Duckie, this is a really hard one emotionally and mentally. I don't think you are being callous, not in any way. I've often put myself in this scenario given my family experience with Diabetes and Kidney disease, and I decided long ago that there was no way known that I would ever ask my children or a family member for a kidney if I had need to. I wouldn't ever put them at risk of 'something like this' happening to them later in life.
I don't think there is a Doctor worthy of their degree that would consent to you being a donor given that you are a diabetic (family experience tells me this). I just hope that there is a positive outcome for all in your situation. Big Hugs xxx
Seriously? That's deep.
ReplyDeleteYours or anyones? Is it for dinner?
ReplyDeleteso will you be in Cali soon?
ReplyDeleteShe lives in Phoenix. I don't even know if I'd be compatible.
ReplyDeleteYour doc might not let you donate even if you are due to your diabetes.
ReplyDeleteYeah. That's what I told her.
ReplyDeleteYour mom needs a new kidney? I wasn't aware.....Place an ad in the paper maybe?
ReplyDeleteI LOVE steak and kidney pie. But I don't think that's what she meant, somehow.
ReplyDeleteIt may sound callous but I'm not sure I'd want to give her one. She wasted hers, even after she knew how things were for her. She's still not doing what she should and now wants one of us to give her our parts?
ReplyDeleteI can understand what you're saying, from a slightly different POV. Parents often seem to think their children owe them, even after years of abuse (of varying types). I don't feel it's mandatory nor obligatory to reward bad behavior simply because we're related.
ReplyDeleteNot callous at all....I totally agree with your thinking.Given your own Diabetes...aside from what a doctor might say...I don't think it would be a wise move....just sayin'
ReplyDeleteI get your POV completely. That said......I do not think you should even be one the list of people to ask with your own diabetes.
ReplyDeleteI agree totally. With your having diabetes yourself, and the fact that she may not take care of it anyway - a sad decision to have to make, but I think best. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeletewow....well i gotta say this is the first EVER note that i've read like this.
ReplyDeleteYou know I totally understand your point of view on this and I have to say...I agree with you.
This is a HUGE decision to make for anyone on any day...but for you with your past history of diabetes and now thyroid issues...it's the decision of a lifetime....
There are so many "what if's" other than you own reasoning....
"What if you have a heart attack and thus suffer from congestive heart failure and have only ONE functioning kidney?"
"What if your diabetes is just as hard on your kidneys as hers and you have only one kidney"
And of course your point of view is so very true....why should or even would you do such a thing for mother or not, if she isn't going to take care of that valuable organ??
They (the donation sites) always ask the family members first because they are the MOST likely match.
Your health itself has to be considered and with your diabetes and thyroid issues?? yeah...That's not a good thing.
Furthermore exactly who is going to fund this operation?? It is my understanding (and I may be wrong here) that insurance will cover HER operation but as to the donor? that's a complete out of pocket expense because you are volunteering for this to be done.
It's a huge decision.....
Duckie I support you! I see exactly what you do all the way.
ReplyDeleteIt's really easy to say what we would do in a situation. Thing is though...you never know until that situation actually faces you. Your heart Duckster...guides you well.
ReplyDeleteThat would be a really tough decision. I agree with what everyone else said, it's too big a risk with all the other things that are going on with you. You need to be around for your grandkids to enjoy.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your understanding. It is difficult being that she's my mom. I want her around for as long as possible, but at what cost to me or my family, including my brothers. She has asked them too
ReplyDeleteYou have to be around for your kids too. They're much younger than her kids are, and still need their daddy. I had a professor that had kidney cancer and only had 1 kidney and he was fine. But you're diabetic and already have high risk of losing one. It sounds like you need to keep that spare one around just in case.
ReplyDeleteDuckie, you have to make a decision not only considering your mom, but yourself and your family as well. It sounds like you've thought this through and came to the best decision possible (even though it was not the easiest one) Know you are loved Duckie dear and we support you in doing what is best for you. HUGGSSSS
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Trixy. My mother died from diabetic complications one of them was her kidneys shutting down (she did NOT take care of herself at all)
ReplyDeleteShe is your mother you love her. I am so sorry you have to even think about this. *hugs*
I don't think the doc will even let you give her one if you have diabetes.....
ReplyDeleteIt may be a moot point. All you can do is ask but know we are all behind whatever decision you make.
Duckie, this is a really hard one emotionally and mentally. I don't think you are being callous, not in any way. I've often put myself in this scenario given my family experience with Diabetes and Kidney disease, and I decided long ago that there was no way known that I would ever ask my children or a family member for a kidney if I had need to. I wouldn't ever put them at risk of 'something like this' happening to them later in life.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is a Doctor worthy of their degree that would consent to you being a donor given that you are a diabetic (family experience tells me this). I just hope that there is a positive outcome for all in your situation. Big Hugs xxx